Evolving again...

I can feel it. Certain things are starting to set me off, others I’m just done with and don’t miss at all. I’m still curious as to which direction I’m being pulled, but I’m going to allow it because it’s time. I’m watching for the signs, noting when there is synchronicity and letting that be the lead. It’s spring and it’s time for change and growth; fall and winter are about letting things fallow, give them time to settle in and root down. Now is the time to till that all up and bring it to the surface.

There has been a lot brewing over the winter, in all facets that I’ve seen. I’m finding that the masks are starting to dissolve and people and ideas are being shown to be what they really are – masks, costumes, all to make others feel better, or feel like the reality is something more like silk when it’s really cheap rayon. These lenses we look through are just tinted, but in a manner that much is hidden and less is seen. But at the same time, the cry is there to keep the true nature hidden. Because it’s comfortable. It’s safe. New masks are being made, new costumes designed. All to keep those that seek comfort from taking a good hard look and going deeper into what really makes up the foundation.

Chaos, order. You can’t have one without the other and when their cyclical nature is halted you have stagnation. Stagnation breeds disease and death, which starts the machine back up – without the part that was causing the stagnation.

Last night, we celebrated the vernal equinox, aka Mean Erraigh. It was my first major ritual in the role of priestess, and I'm still finding my ground as I was standing in a new spot. Normally, I am in my zen, and can walk through ritual doing everything I need to, but still be in my space to receive everything. Last night was different. My feet felt a bit odd, as I'm trying to get used to the ground, literally, in front of the alter. The terrain creates a different balance, that causes my stance to be adjusted. The grass under my feet has an odd feel about it, and there's more contact with the dirt. I will slowly find my way. I don't want to copy the format, so to speak, of our grove priestess, because I want to be able to make the ritual mine in some way. She has a great foundation, but I feel uncomfortable there, for now. But in other ways, there is comfort as I think it is leading to more growth for me. More stability in myself and where my head is, during a normal day.

There are many questions that I need to ask, and will ask. One of the tenets of the 8 limbs of yoga is a spiritual practice, and I believe this to be a sign to work on this aspect of my yoga. In fact, in the last couple of weeks, while I have not been all about my asana practice, I have found that my standing poses have felt more grounded and more open. My Warrior Is have actually become wider in my stance, with my feet more connected. My Warrior IIs have been more open and solid, even my downward dogs are more connected. It's like everything is going backward from the top down, while I still have my head in the clouds, my feet are also very connected to the ground. Which I can see as being very beneficial to a priestess, who needs her hands in the sky, and her toes rooted in the earth.

In light of the recent changes in my life, I'm re-opening this blog. Hopefully, I'll be able to configure it to cross-post and I won't have to be copying everything here and on my personal blog. I hope to keep up with it, but if I don't, feel free to poke me at my other journal (if you know where to find it). I always post there.

Beocecht!

So I'm working on creating new habits, and as I was working today, I considered the possiblity of developing some of these habits into my religious path. I was watching The Human Weapon and thinking about all my friends who have the opportunity to train or teach all day, every day. That's their job, to be and create warriors. Now, while my calling in life is not just to defend life in the martial sense (even though I have opted to not pursue a military path), it's also to defend life in the realm of healing. So I'm going to have to figure a means to merge these two, seemingly conflicting paths. Which is another thing that confounds me. I find nothing conflicting about them, and those who are on similar paths understand what I'm talking about.

In order to heal, you have to learn how to harm, and vice versa. In learning massage, you learn the triangles you have to stay away from, as too much time spent on them or too much pressure will cause serious damage due to artery/vein/nerve trunks that you will hit. When it comes to aggression, or even defensive aggression, these are points you want to hit, in order to subdue your opponent. While the ancient warrior societies may not have been aware of the actuality of these centers, they knew they existed (through observance) and sought to use them to their advantage. The objective being, a quick and decisive end to the battle, whether hand-to-hand individual combat, or group strategic warfare.

In order to facilitate the objectives, the individuals must maintain their state of readiness, through both mental and physical exercises. Both being made readily apparent to me during my extended vacation, as I had no real means of physical training for the bulk of my visits. However, I did have the opportunity to rest my mind and clear it, as well as focus on training it for calm and clear thought. While I have, in the past, prided myself on my ability to be the calm mind in the storm, I know that having to do that takes much out of me. Mainly, in the fact that I get so focused that the slightest detraction from that focus knocks me completely out of balance. I've found going in with a clear mind allows me to avoid focusing on the detractions and more at the task at hand.

As a result, I'm slowly putting together my daily regimen that will hopefully blossom into a functional spiritual path within the religious direction I have chosen. At this point, I've modified my diet back to my training diet, with a few modifications to take my hypoglycemia into account. I've started using the time in the morning, when I'm normally watching the news to do basic agility and conditioning/strength exercises. I'm also going back to yoga again. One of the things I found after my meltdown at NAGA, was that my kundalini work not only calmed me down and helped me maintain my focus, but it created a new awareness for what my opponent was doing and allowed me to better predict their movement and create a strategy to counter it during a match. In speaking with my Yogini about it, even she smiled and said that I was getting the idea and my ability to tap into a greater consciousness, even if it was to use it to my own advantage in this situation.

Which brings me to another point, Yoga is often seen as an exercise for the passive, non-violent among us. There have been a couple of times, where I wanted to write in to Yoga Journal and knock them for posting a picture of military personnel in pose, preparing for a mission (one picture being Navy pilots holding warrior pose 1 next to their birds) with the commentary, "I don't like the idea of war, or what we're doing, but I take solace in the pilots taking a moment to be at peace with their decision to not act with ahimsa." I'm sorry, but ahimsa does not mean let your body be a welcome mat for those who wish to walk all over you. There are points when you need to stand your ground, even as an individual, and that is referenced several times in the Bagavadgita. Not to mention, a pose translated into "Warrior pose" tends to imply that which the words connotate. It's a pose of strength, used by swordsmen (particular in rapier parlay), riflemen, ground fighters (you'll see it during the shoot for a takedown). It's a pose of aggression, not defense.

It's about balance, and that is one thing that my martial art has taught me, however much my Danish Professor pointed out my need for patience when attacking. There is a strategic point what will end a match quickly, but sometimes it happens later in the match and it's my job to use my opponent to realize that point. It's a dance, each move has a counter and a defense, at somepoint my opponent will give me the open door and it's my job to walk through it.

We have entered the dark half of the year. I have been absent from here, as much work to finish the transformation of myself has taken place. My work room is now a calm space, where I can prepare the morning rituals to provide my clients the space to heal. I have been moving into myself as well. Becoming the healer/warrior and growing into my path. My dedication as a warrior has been paying off. I am progressing to a point where I can begin to represent my ancestors and my tribe in battle.

I have also stepped outside of myself, to surpass the boundaries that have caged me these last couple of years. I have flown with the birds and explored that realm of air, where the gods live. I have danced with the Sidhe in the undersides of the Earth realm. I have met with the Mhorrighain and lain my sword at her feet in her service.

In this next year, I meet my death again, and take that next step towards my destiny. The constant trials, so I know my progress and my abilities, so that they may be best put to use for the benefit of my tribe and family.

My days have been stressful, of late. My workroom at the office has been lacking for me, and not providing the atmosphere necessary for the type of work that I am doing. These are my plans and rituals...

First step, is to set-up an alter in one of the corners to Brigidh and Airmid. I will have a candle that will be lit every day to Brigidh, to light the fires of healing for my clients. I will have a cauldron available, filled with sea, with stones around it for my clients to place their intentions for the day or their massage, should they wish. I will also have my bells with me, to perform the morning set-up and evening break-down ritual and to cleanse the room should I find it necessary.

The next step, will be to finish my paintings. They will be placed above the alter. One will describe the meaning of the fire - "The spark of the fire, is the passion that moves us through life." The other will describe the meaning of the sea - "Water is fluid, so that we may move through the landscape of life. Navigating through its hills and valleys."

On one wall, I will be hanging my Triskele tapestry, not only to cover the lack of care my landlord has given to that wall, but also to add the sacred 3 for whichever meaning my clients choose to attribute to it.

My window covering I will have to make. I will be visiting an art store for purple paper. Purple has a dual meaning here - my clients are royalty to me. When they come to me, it is by their wishes that I work on them. It is also the colour of transformation, because within my hands, is the power to assist them in transforming their bodies into a united entity, instead of just a vessel, through which they house their being. On this paper, I will be painting, in black, a Triskelion, in Japanese calligraphy style. Much to mimic a shoji screen and allow a little light in, but also show the weaving of life in the circle through the different realms and unite them, as my clients will be uniting themselves within their bodies.

You can feel Autumn stirring in the wind. I feel it coursing through my body with the excitement the season will bring. The end of the summer was consummated to the beat of tribal drums, kissing the face of winter as it slowly creeps towards me. The dark times are coming, rest again to regain the growth for next season. Reaping the last of the harvests to sustain us through death so that we may live again when the sun returns. I have preparations to make, oaths to swear, and the casting off of things unnecessary. It is time, once again, to walk through the veil and stare at the face that is begging me to join her.

I had a wakeful dream last night. It was after a fire ritual, and I was stick fighting with my mentor. It was a heated battle and I dominated. After my mentor conceded defeat, he ordered me down to circle, and then everyone after me. He walked into the hearthstead and followed us down shortly after with a slender bag in hand.

When I walked into circle, I greeted the SE, the N and then the SW of the circle, the locations of the realms. I then continued to walk as everyone filed in, and took my place in the North, in front of the alter.

As my mentor filed in, he stood next to me and I turned to him. He called to the realms, and then called to the gods to bring me before them and recognize my accomplishment in my training. In doing so, he presented me with 2 oaken sticks, stained with the blood of a bull. He also asked me which weapon path I wished to master next. I responded that I wanted to master spear fighting. And thus decreed my intentions to my brothers and sisters, the realms, and the gods.

During the fighting part of the dream, I could feel the heat of a battle raging through me, even though it was only sparring. I could also hear the conversation going on between my sisters. They were talking about my progress and what I was training for, one commented that I knew what I was preparing for, and I remember in my head thinking that I really didn't. My sister smiled wryly, as she knew, and I guess somewhere deep inside me I felt the reason, just the unsuredness of a warrior not yet in first battle, letting the mind overtake the body in fight.

What is in store for me has not yet revealed itself. But I know the answer lies within me.

Today, I made the choice to open my eyes while laying on my mat. I looked up into the clouds and saw the layout of another land, behind the cloud cover. There was much green and high mountains, with deep valleys. It was the only thing in the sky that was not moving. All the clouds between it and me were floating south with the wind.

I saw dragons, morphing into ravens, and out of the blue, there was Eyeore, playing with a baby dragon, before morphing into a gryphon, himself. There was something serene here, even with the sudden apparition of pop-culture from my childhood. Grabbing each fantasy and letting it go as the wind took it away.

The deep blue colouring of the othersea, above me. Incense burning, the fairy-like patterns of the dragonflies chasing their prey around the hedges.

The patterns are revealing themselves, nature is taking care of me.

Reality: we have had serious drainage problems on our property for the last couple of years. As a result in the combination of heavy rains and stagnant water, we now breed mosquitos, especially the Asian Tiger Mosquito. Last year, I decided that we were going to invest in Dragonfly and Mayfly larvae to cut back on the Mosquitos that make it past the chemicals. We didn't have to invest, this year they arrived, and as the summer progresses, we will begin work to attract hummingbirds.

Oftentimes, when I'm called on to describe my religious beliefs, I'm stuck in a bind, as my beliefs go beyond just the religious realm. They seep into every aspect of my being, from political perspectives to the way I evaluate my friendships and other relationships.

The most important thing, I've found, is the ability to step back, observe and evaluate the information that comes in to my conscious. This goes with all that happens in nature, as well. It's important to be open, in all senses, to gain input from the environment, to find the truth in each situation and action.

Separating out of the situation, and being able to evaluate one's own actions is also important, as the saying goes, "You will be known by your actions." If one is unable to evaluate his/her own actions, and unable to admit the wrong, or inconsistency, of those actions, then how can one expect any level of respect when the arrogance of hypocrisy is standing in the way? Given the life and times of current, standing in the middle, or admitting that there is another truth to the contrary, is frowned upon. Those with the loudest voices proclaim the need to be adherent to a hardline view, with no room to analyze the truth that those in the middle acknowledge.

When this comes to spirituality, it lends into the ability to look at the mundane/profane split and be able to distinguish the reflection that one has on the other. This also heads into the research of any given path, where to draw the line between what is fact and what is inferred. While one is not more correct than the other, knowing where the basis lies will reflect upon the knowledge and character of the individual.

This definitely deserves more thought...