3/18/2005

I've been meditating a bit of late. Not much other than getting my head cleared of all the clutter. I'm feeling a greater pull towards the ocean, however, which is a good thing. I'm a water baby, always have been. Spent most of my childhood at the beach, indulging the dolphin in me. I fell off that habit after college, but the call is coming loud and clear. I guess you could say I'm doing some spring cleaning of sorts. I have dropped a few boundaries, that were hindering my progress. Of sorts, I can feel a connection, being a child of the Morrighain, and the land that lies beyond the Ninth Wave. I used the phrase during ritual once, in calling to the Ancestors, letting them retreat past the Ninth Wave, back past the veil of Mannanaan. I used to spend quite a bit of time there myself, as a child. Death has always been a fascination for me, not just a desired goal, but a place of peace and comfort. I toyed with death, many a time, to the point staring it in the face is no longer an adrenaline rush. But I hear it call again.

A friend of mine commented about my birthmark, the mark of the crane/stork. It's an animal of gateways, stands in-between the realms. Now, while I don't view it as one of my spirit animals, I can also see its relevance. In regards to me, I'm a walker of the veil. Neither here nor there, male nor female, human nor animal, animal nor plant. My main existence is everywhere, dropping my skin for the freedom of the universe. Taking it up again, to use it to its fullest, dancing, winding around in circles of movement.

Experience, it is what I seek, it is what makes me grow. It is what keeps me going.

3/14/2005

You can feel the spring. While it is not official, yet, you can still feel it. This is the time when I really need to crackdown.

I have learned to merge with people, beyond them letting me work in their bodies. I've learned to let go of my body and interact with my surroundings as an energetic part of it. The realization has not only made ritual that much more meaningful, but it allows me to reach out to those close to my heart, but separated by distance. At this point, I don't believe I can ever classify myself as alone, anymore. A quite liberating feeling and experience.